EU joke(s)

Chat and items of interest about Crete and Greece.
TweetTweet
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EU joke(s)

Postby TweetTweet » Wed Feb 28, 2018 6:46 pm

A farmer, named Sam, was overseeing his herd in a remote hilly pasture in Hereford when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" Sam looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the Farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Sam.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Sam says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Member of the European Parliament", says Sam.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered Sam. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you think you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

AND THAT FRIENDS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS WITH THE EU

and the Worl's economy explained :

https://9gag.com/gag/aXXoWA6/the-worlds ... t-two-cows

:)

Philb
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby Philb » Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:08 pm

The best joke in the EU is Brexit.

jackdaw
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby jackdaw » Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:30 pm

Brilliant

Danny
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby Danny » Sat Mar 03, 2018 10:12 am

I read with interest and listen to many UK citizens wishes regarding to stay or leave the EU, Brits i know and our Dutch government overwhelmingly want the UK to remain, my own personal view of the EU like many people in Holland is that there's strength in numbers and leaving is not the answer , Dutch people think negotiation should have taken place and in many issues like immigration most EU nations would agree with the UK's positions and change would have been made not only in that which seemed to be the yardstick for the majority of leave voters. There was a quote in one of the English papers last week where someone said that for the UK to leave the EU is like turning down a three course dinner for a packet of crisps, I couldn't agree more.

Yin&Yang
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby Yin&Yang » Sat Mar 03, 2018 10:34 am

Well said Danny!
Someday is now : )

Philb
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby Philb » Sat Mar 03, 2018 12:09 pm

Spot on Danny.

Tim
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby Tim » Sat Mar 03, 2018 1:03 pm

in many issues like immigration most EU nations would agree with the UK's positions and change would have been made not only in that which seemed to be the yardstick for the majority of leave voters.


Sorry, Danny, that's codswallop. Where is your justification or evidence for the above comment? The reason the majority of UK voters opted to leave the EU is the fact that Brussels imposes rules and regulations on member countries and don't listen, or negotiate or change anything they don't want to.

Tim

Danny
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby Danny » Sat Mar 03, 2018 1:28 pm

Codswallop not at all, i'm surrounded where i live by Brits and without doubt the main talking point from them had nothing to do with Brussels and who gave the orders it was the immigration issue that people always talked about first and voted for rightly or wrongly, that along with the lies / misinformation of your now Foreign minister and the racist guy Farage swayed the vote. Listening now as i do i believe people didn't realise what leave meant, economics, freedom of movement and all the pluses of the EU were not shouted out loud or often enough by the remain people. Anyway you brits have done it now and the right wing and racists have won the vote which i think is a sad day for the UK and for the rest of Europe. I believe as well that many older Brits still view their country in the old 'Rule Britannia' way when in reality British esteem throughout the world is no longer what it was.

Kilkis
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby Kilkis » Sat Mar 03, 2018 2:59 pm

Approximately 33.5 million people voted in the referendum. Each one had his or own reasons for voting the way they did. Since people simply put a cross in a box next to leave or remain and did not record why they cast their vote that way nobody knows why anybody voted the way they did. If we don't know why any individual cast their vote a particular way it is meaningless to talk about a majority voting because of X. Also many people would cast their vote on the basis of a multiplicity of factors and might even be hard pressed to say which one influenced them the most.

Nobody knows what the outcome will be. Nobody knew when they voted and nobody knows today. The outcome will be whatever it is and all predictions about it are little more than guesses. What's more if you look at the outcome in say five years time you will not know how much of that outcome relates to the vote and how much to other factors. Typically those in the public eye simply make predictions based on what supports their own point of view. Jacob Rees-Mogg does not know that the UK will complete lots of trade deals outside the EU and that the economy will be better than if the UK had stayed in the EU. He simply asserts it. Tony Blair does not know that the UK would be economically better off staying inside the EU. Again he simply asserts it.

My own view, for what it's worth, is that very few people are going to be happy with the final deal whatever that deal is. There will inevitably be a lot of fudges and those fudges will result in the majority of people not getting what they thought they would get. There will still be significant immigration because the UK needs it so those that voted because they wanted to stop immigration will not be happy. The UK will end up paying some money to the EU because it wants the benefits of some EU institutions so those who voted because they wanted to stop paying altogether will not be happy. The UK will still adopt some EU laws because it is necessary to maintain trade and in reality those laws are sensible so those who voted because they wanted to regain sovereignty will not be happy. Between 1640 and 1854 Japan had total sovereignty because it became a closed country, Sakoku, with little contact with the outside world. As soon as you trade with the rest of the world you give up some sovereignty in order to facilitate that trade. Obviously those who voted to remain will not be happy because some of the benefits of being a member will be lost. That doesn't leave many who will be satisfied.

Warwick

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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby filippos » Sat Mar 03, 2018 6:50 pm

Agreed, Warwick. My own take is that whatever deal is struck and whether or not the referendum result is somehow overturned nobody will ever know whether leaving or remaining in the EU was the right decision. In five or ten or X years time every country's position will depend on what happens during those five or ten or X years. Who can lend me a crystal ball, please?

The UK's trade is generally doing pretty well currently. It may continue to do so or even improve post leaving the EU: on the other hand it may not in either case for reasons not connected to stay/leave. Either could happen because of decisions taken by some future UK government or decisions taken by the EU hierarchy. Trump (or a successor) starts a trade war with the EU? If the UK is outside the EU it's likely to benefit; if in the EU it will suffer with the other members. If some future UK government introduces policies that cause the economy to crash while at the same time running up the national debt it probably won't matter whether the UK is in or out. What if the UK remains in the EU and the whole European economy crashes? Would the chances of a UK recovery have been better on the outside, able to trade with commonwealth countries we used to deal with on a substantial scale? Could Italy collapse and leave the EU? It's their election any day now and dear old Berlusconi could become a big influence again; then what happens? As the man said, there are too many unknown unknowns.

Any of those things, and any number of others, could happen. I for one can't predict whether any or all will happen and far less can I predict what the outcomes might be. As it is very few of us as individuals will have any influence on anything. We're in the hands of governments (and not only our own) and, I believe, they get more things wrong than they get right so anything could happen.

Kilkis
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby Kilkis » Sat Mar 03, 2018 11:17 pm

All trade deals are a two edged sword. Say the UK does a comprehensive trade deal with India that removes tariffs and quotas that currently exist in both directions.

    Company A sees this as an opportunity, markets its products successfully in India because they are now cheaper, increases its production, its sales and its profits. It also takes on extra staff to implement the increased production. All the extra wages are spent in the local economy. It pays more in tax in the UK, both on its profits and through it payroll.

    Company B also sees this as an opportunity. It closes its plant in the UK and shifts production to India to take advantage of cheaper labour rates. It can do this because it can ship products back to the UK with no tariffs whereas previously the tariffs made this option uneconomic. All its staff lose their jobs. The wages previously spent in the local economy vanish. It pays tax on its profits and through its payroll in India so UK tax revenue goes down.

Was the free trade deal with India an advantage or a disadvantage? Whatever governments do the markets will respond but not necessarily in the way that governments expect.

One expert that both Philppos and I follow predicts that there is an inevitable progression from currency wars to trade wars and finally to military wars. All the big players in the world have been fighting currency wars at least since 2008 after the financial crash. That is now evolving into trade wars with Trump imposing tariffs on many good on the basis of America first. The timescale for the first transition was ten years but there is no way to predict what the timescale to the second transition is.

Warwick

YoMo2
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby YoMo2 » Sun Mar 04, 2018 9:03 am

What happened to the jokes?

Andrew

Kamisiana
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby Kamisiana » Sun Mar 04, 2018 10:12 am

Danny the one reason that the Brexit referendom happened was that the EU would not negotiate with Cameron and the result called Camerons bluff and the EU's bluff big time.

As for the (in your words) racist guy Farage just Google The Dutch and racism,glass houses and all that.

Farage was hated by Juncker and his unelected cronies as he showed them for what they are, obssesed with creating a super state so they can control everyone and everything in Europe from their ivory tower in Brussels, Junckers own words
(an ever tighter and more powerfull EU) and that is the reason that myself and most people I know want to leave the EU in its present form and go back to the common market how the EU started without the unelected dictators running it.

Hopefully todays vote in Italy will go the right way (no pun intended) and will be another nail in Junckers and the EU's coffin R.I.P the EU in it's present form.

filippos
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby filippos » Sun Mar 04, 2018 11:05 am

YoMo2 wrote:What happened to the jokes?
There's nothing funny about EU.

bobscott
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Re: EU joke(s)

Postby bobscott » Sun Mar 04, 2018 3:37 pm

All good erudite stuff folks! Can I just add one small point of view. As far as the US is concerned, I would not want to see ANY trade deal with the US as long as that idiotic, egocentric bully Trump is in charge. Anyone who can decide foreign policy with a couple tweets is just NOT TO BE TRUSTED. Steer clear, for heaven's sake. Bob.
Yesterday today was tomorrow. Don't dilly dally!


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